it is finally starting to feel like winter. this morning i had to scrape frost off of my car and the frost looked like a thin layer of snow on lawns. it made me happy to wear gloves.

this weekend was pretty mellow...didn't do anything too fun and exciting.

yesterday my family had a hanukkah party. the party was at my grandmothers house. we haven't had a holiday there since my grandfather died almost 7 years ago. it was really nice. all of my cousins were there so it was really great. my grandmother looked so cute...she does not look 93.

i am itching to decorate something. i don't even care what it is. i just want to string lights, hang things, tinsle something and so on. i cannot do anything xmasy at home but luckily we are getting a tree today at work so hopefully i'll get my hands in that.

lately i have been feeling a little less than interested in j. there i said it. this whole weekend we spent the nights together and no affection whatsoever did i show him. last night especially and i feel guilty in some way. what do i say...i don't want to i don't feel like it. it's not that i am not attracted to him because i am very much so but i don't know i just feel as if something is missing. i have entered the land of confusion again.

written at 9:31 a.m.