i have been reflecting which is nothing new for me...i think i think about the past way too often that it is not good for me.

i am also thinking alot about the future. i am constantly wondering if i am on the right path. the path that was destined for me. i have so much going on in my head right now that i almost can not bare it. i often wonder if i will ever be truely happy. i know i must seem like a happy go lucky person to people in my every day life and to an extent that is true but deep down i have this feeling that i'm not and really do wonder if and when i ever will be.

i feel as if i am alone although i know that that is ridiculous because i have family and great friends and a boyfriend who all love me. i am afraid that feeling will always be with me. i think it stems from being an only child and other things that i don't feel like going into right now.

tonight will be a mellow night. dinner plans have been made and who knows what we will do after that. i am glad we are not going out to a bar or into the city. too chaotic to end this chaotic year.

all and all this has been a meaningful year in many ways. i renewed a relationship with my dad, reestablished friendship with old friends, made new ones, fell in love, changed jobs, and really realized what is important to me.

my hope for 2002 is to learn, trust, love, laugh, and really make it on my own.

happy new year!

written at 4:33 p.m.