last night i stayed at jon's...i was so tired i fell asleep pretty early. i kept waking up because i was hot from having all my clothes on. it was around 4am and he was still awake just watching television. so anyway i was having this crazy dream all night that i kept wanting to go back into after i would awake. i continued the dream all night, all morning, all afternoon until 1:30. yes i slept till 1:30 in the afternoon. i was pissed so i got out of bed and got dressed, kissed him goodbye and drove away.

his sleep pattern is really getting under my skin. why? why should i care so much. saturday used to be sacred to us because they were the only full day we could spend together. not so much anymore...i spent a total of 1 hour with him so far today.

so he calls me around 5 to see if i wanted to take a ride with him to go to prozy's so he could get a new coat and then go and get his new watch fitted. yeah ok i'm not really doing anything so i go and meet him at his house.

on the ride to prozy's i'm thinking wow it's kind of late i don't think they will be open...they were closed.

anyway to make a long story short because this could take pages and pages...he was pissed that they were closed and that he had waited all day to go. i guess i made some comments because he said well i guess i'll just keep my old one meaning this was his one chance to get a new coat. i admit that made me laugh outloud...he still has like another week or two off from school, he works 3 days out of the week. so i found it funny that at 6pm on a saturday is his only free time to go to prozy's.

it turned into a really stupid arguement but it is all because we are fighting about other things that are all disguised into this arguement.

he called me a little while ago telling me that he had made dinner if i wanted to come over and if not he'd see me at mexicali later. so here i am, my belly full of dinner that i made and drinking a corona and wondering what the hell i am doing.

do i realize that i sabatoge all of my relationships while i am doing it? am i ruining posibly the best relationship that i have had based on sleeping habits and boredom. i mean is there more out there for me that i just haven't found yet. will i ever find it and will happiness find me?

the weird thing is is that i don't feel at all sad right now. i'm not even mad. i feel a strange calmness inside of me. i won't let myself feel right now for some reason. i don't know...hopefully i'll figure it out soon before it gets the best of me.

i gonna go now and put on my red shoes and dance dance dance...but i'm not dancing the blues.

i feel pretty...i made my hair straight today!

if this makes no sense it's because i'm um a lightweight.

written at 8:42 p.m.