ok since i mentioned 'survivor' i have too just say that i am very happy that ethan won. i liked him from the very first episode. he reminds me so much of my cousin ari...he is cute, laidback, and super nice. ok so i have a mini crush on ethan. maybe one day i will go to lexington, mass (that's where he lives) and we will...

ok i am not even going to finish that sentence because i am such a dork!

i guess i should mention that i woke up with a strange feeling today. i had a really weird dream last night. i don't feel very much like going into detail but i woke up thinking that i should break up with jon. i'm not sure what to make of it. should i turn my dream into reality or should i keep my dream completly separate from my real awake state. i wish i weren't as confused as i am. i have just been thinking lately that i am growing and he will never catch up. but then i think, on the other hand, that we are on the same page and we fit and we are just going through what everyone goes through at some point in their relationship. i just feel too tired to even care right now. i don't understand why some days i cannot wait to see him and cuddle and do all the other good relationshipy stuff and then other days i can't be bothered or i don't really want to be touched. is it because he is not right for me? or am i a commitment phobe? how am i supposed to know?

why is it so much easier to give advice than receive it? why do i have so many questions? when will they stop?

now.

written at 10:31 a.m.