my personal life right now could not be any better. things with jon are great. my relationship with my father has never been better.

so i should be happy right? i wish life was that simple.

about a month before christmas we had a 'state of the company meeting' to discuss the financial problems with the company. i work for a small production company with about 30 employees and though no one is related it is sort of run as if we were family.

upper management had come up with a plan so that nobody would be laid off. instead of layoffs, everyone would have a week off with NO pay. this did hurt all of us financially including me but it was a better alternative than layoffs so i felt thankful.

an hour ago i got an email from my boss announcing that we are having another 'state of the company meeting' at 4:30 today. i wanted to fucking scream! i almost burst into tears when i called jon to tell him.

i don't know exactly what is going to be discussed but i'm almost positive that it is not good. and i almost as positive that i will have to fight back tears. i don't really know why i am as upset as i am. i mean i am hating my job right now anyway and i was thinking of looking for another job. but i wanted to do it on my own terms. i don't want someone to tell me hey it's probably a good idea if you start looking for another way to make a living. these are hard times, what if i don't find anything right away. fuck!!!!

written at 12:47 p.m.