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so my grandmother is coming to see my apartment on saturday. just to see where i live. and then she, my mom and i are going to lunch before i have to go to work. this means i have to majorly clean tomorrow after i get home from work. i have been working alot lately and my yesterday on my day off, my body decided to have a 24 hour cold. so needless to say i did not get much done.
aside frome the mess, i am really happy with the way my apartment is looking. i am a little sad though because i sort of decided in my head that when my lease is up, i want to move out. not because i don't love my apartment but because i think i want to be on my own next year. i need some time off...some time to myself. atleast i can call my own. i wish i could just stay where i am but there is no way in hell that i am paying this rent solo. i haven't expressed this to jon. i figure i will when it gets closer to the day. that's not until the end of april (our anniversary). i plan ahead i guess.
i don't know, i have been so inside my head lately. like is this it? is this who i am supposed to be with and is this how i am supposed to live. i don't know, i kind of would like to move away. i just need a change and possibly a drastic one.
i am happy but i know in my heart that i could be happier. i just realized what a big thing that is to admit.
written at 1:51 a.m.